The shipping campaign

My dear friend Karen started an awesome discussion on her blog about creators and whether or not they owe their fans anything. This is something I think about A LOT, and I actually have quite a few opinions on the topic. So instead of just vomiting my FEELS all over Karen's space, I thought I'd air my laundry here.

(Totally going to suggest you read her post first though. Just so you know where this is coming from. Also we’re going to talk about things in terms of the television process right now. That's the world I'm most familiar with - but just remember, this applies to all forms of media.)

So. The process of becoming a fan takes place because a person likes and forms an attachment to something. That may be a book, a show, a play, etc... That attachment makes a person feel like they are part owners in the selected interest. They relate to it, feel connected, believe in it, or identify to the thing they are devoted to... But, whether or not you are part of the creative process is up to the creator themselves. They can take your fandom suggestions and run with it, or they can completely ignore those opinions and thoughts and take things in a completely different direction.

That's their prerogative.

It is completely by CHOICE how much voice a show runner gives their audience. Maybe there is a nod here, a completely new story there, or the total demolition of what fandom wants. But regardless of how many letters there are, campaigns are run, projects are funded – a creator will do or not do as they choose. You can't force anyone to do anything.

Now, the question is, SHOULD the creator listen to their audience? Should the creative process be a discussion or a lecture?

Well... That's up for debate.

A show has to have an audience for it to survive. If people aren't watching, then a show can't stay on air. Period.

So in theory, it would make since for a show runner to let his audience control all decision making. The majority group would dictate where the show went and fans would continue to tune in because what they wanted to see happen – is happening. The runner would keep the show on TV and bills would continue to be paid.

But this option has several consequences.

FIRST - the show that the fans originally loved would be destroyed. What the group fell in love with was a show that blossomed out of one individuals mind. They created something that hooked a whole group of people. They wooed the audience and made them feel passionate about something. If they turn off their own creative juices to placate a group of extremely vocal fans, they're sacrificing their creation for financial (or popularity) gain.

SECOND - contrary to popular belief, people don't want to be blindly given what they’re asking for. Television is about conflict. There's literally nothing interesting to watch unless someone is being tortured at least a little bit. So! If your pairing is just thrown together because you say so, well, chances are that's going to get stale pretty damn fast.

So complete dictation doesn't work. Which means at some point or another, the show runner is going to have the majority annoyed with, impatient, or down right pissed at them; which means they're going to have to get used to heavy criticism quickly. Even when things are going well.

Now, that being said; what about compromise? Shouldn't a creator at least be willing to listen to their audience? Shouldn't they hear them out and mull over their suggestions? Isn't collaboration a gateway to unknown creative masterpieces?

This is a pretty decent option of storytelling. The give-and-take between creator and audience can be fantastic. Fans appreciate being heard but there is still one person with creative control willing to make unpopular decisions for the benefit of the story. What we as an audience have to be careful of though is that we're not breathing down the back of the writer. Silently pushing and trying to manipulate things isn't the best long term plan. Also, it’s kind of disrespectful to the creator. Shouldn't they have the freedom to do what they want with their show? Shouldn't we trust them to continue giving the audience content that’s interesting?

THAT BEING SAID – Networks, creators, and people holding the purse strings can’t support or create things that people want to see unless they know what we want. So speaking out and being vocal is important. If you want to see more diversity in a show, you need fans to ask for it. By talking about it, tweeting, and spreading the word you’re telling networks what to invest in. If the demand is loud enough, someone will show up to fill the void.

It’s difficult though, to always keep that discussion respectful. Because a show comes from a person – they have their own vision for what the story is about and where it is going. And this THING they've created is theirs. It doesn't belong to the fans, even though they are crucial for its survival. At the end of the day, the audience has to let their own desires go, and just hope for an entertaining honest journey. If they don’t like what they’re seeing, they should talk about it, they should ask what they want, and then they should decide if they want to keep watching.

Now, when it comes to a specific group mobilizing to support a ship or a plot line  I have to say I see it as a very delicate line to walk. How a campaign is run matters. Whether it’s respectful, honest, kind… Those things count for something. I've seen groups do some legitimate good in the name of their ships. But a campaign is a campaign for a reason. There is an end goal.

So, if for instance a campaign sprung up around the union of two characters, what happens if that pairing never becomes canon? Does this group begin to feel hurt and betrayed? Do they have a right to? Especially if the show runners have been supportive and inclusive to the group… Do they begin to feel entitled since they've worked so hard to bring attention to what they want?

I suppose to me, if you enjoy something you have to enjoy IT and not the idea of what it could become. Supporting a potential pairing is not about the show – it’s about what the show COULD be. If you think it has potential, then you should create and support things that explore that possibility – like in fic or art. That’s your territory. That’s where you can go hog wild. But if you’re a fan of something, wouldn't you want to declare your love to it and not to just a specific portion of fandom?

Supporting a show is about supporting the creator. And the creator needs the freedom to create in a no-strings-attached environment, where people aren't subtly pushing their agenda. Sure you want to get attention for your ship. We all do with our respective one true pairings. But if you broaden the goal to include all ships and pairings, everyone will benefit and the show runners won’t feel held hostage by your kindness.

In conclusion: Focus on supporting good content, not just the content you hope to see. That’s the kind of help creators want and need.

My Mad Fat Diary

A good friend of mine recommended that I watch a new show called My Mad Fat Diary. It’s on the E4 network in England, and although I usually keep an eye on British programming of all kinds (because it’s so damn good) somehow this one completely passed me by.

My friend basically said “Hey you! Watch this!!” And I said “ok!”

And that was that.

Anyways, I have me some thoughts and feelings about this show. So much so, that I felt the need to actually get them out and share them with the world. Lucky you, right?!!?? Also, I want to do my part to spread the word. Good TV series get canceled all the time just because they haven’t been discovered by enough people. Let's not let that happen, ok?!! 

First off, the show is set in the 90’s. This is awesome for a couple of reasons. Not only does it evoke nostalgia of the best kind (the music! the clothes! the references!), it also takes a pretty generic premise and gives it new life. The 90's era gives the show a retro look into issues that remain current.

I think it’s something the youngsters will find novel, and something the young adults will find nostalgic. A win-win for all!!!!!

Rae (the main character) is a unique girl in the television world because she looks and acts completely NORMAL. There isn't an ounce of Hollywood glamour in this show or in its leading lady. All the kids look like normal humans, speak with strong (even abrasive) accents, and no one seems to fit into the classic teen-drama stereotypes (Life would be so much easier if the 'mean girls' really were mean all the time).

In general, British television shows have a better reputation for choosing actors and actresses that better represent the public at large. They put less pressure on their cast to look a certain way or conform to a traditionally 'appealing' look. Even so, casting Sharon Rooney as Ray Earl is a pretty bold statement.

I wish it wasn't. I wish we lived in a world where bigger girls got just as many leading roles as slim girls. I wish there was a level playing field and that I didn't get excited to see such a normal looking female at the center of a great TV show. ESPECIALLY a show aimed at teenagers and young adults. But this is the world we live in, and I do find this a reason to celebrate. So you should too!! By watching the show and giving it lots of love!!

Not only is My Mad Fat Diary pushing casting boundaries, it's also addressing some pretty neglected themes.

When we meet Rae we find her leaving a mental facility after an extended stay. She's recovering from a pretty traumatic experience, and you don't find out until later what it actually was that pushed her to get outside help.

No matter how progressive and knowledgeable we like to think we are, mental health is still a pretty taboo subject in western culture. Mostly we're just uneducated. So being exposed to someone who has a mental disorder or is recovering from a psychotic episode can be really enlightening.

I don't think Rae realizes just how inspiring her story could become to people.

We're all trying to cope with life. And seeing someone go through some pretty tough shit and still find it within themselves to fight back? It's powerful. Not to mention, the doubt, insecurity, and fear that Rae goes through? Well, we've all been there. You realize that she's really not so different from you. In fact, you could even say that she’s just like you.

Because here’s the thing. People with mental disorders aren't really that abnormal. They're human and their dealing with the same struggles as we are. The only difference is that they need a little extra help to keep the monsters at bay. And this show is doing a really good job and balancing the intricacies of mental disorders. There’s a sensitivity but also a humor and hopeful feel…

Long story short?

This is a really freaking brilliant show that you should be watching.

And if you want to see what all the fuss is about, you can check the first episode out here

Transitioning

I've been questioning some pretty heavy things recently. Things that I never really considered would be going up for questioning. But life is doing that SURPRISE thing it does - and here I am. The FACTS that I thought were so 'factual' aren't as steadfast and true as they once were.

It's funny though because I'm less surprised by the questioning itself and more surprised with how uncomfortable it's making me. I mean, it's natural to transition. Especially now. But I'm a psych major. This is all we DO. We talk about the uncomfortable stuff. We ask people to be brave and share their discomfort with us. To be emotionally honest.  It's not exactly a new concept to me.

But here I am. Struggling with the same thing I ask others to do all the time.

So rather than focus so much on the questions (I tend to believe that these things make themselves clear over time) I'm trying to figure out exactly why it's so hard for me to admit this indecision.

Why should I ever feel embarrassed, shy, or ashamed for rethinking things? Where is this pressure to KNOW coming from? Why can't it be ok to say out loud that I DON'T know?

So, Brook.

Your indecision is nothing to be embarrassed about. You're allowed to make a decision - and you're also allowed to change your mind. There's nothing wrong with that.

Maybe what feels right today won't feel right 3 years from now. But you shouldn't be embarrassed. Things change. They SHOULD change. And you're doing the best with the knowledge you have now.

Life is nothing BUT transition. Fighting that is dumb and pointless.

So while you're evaluating and reevaluating, you may come to different conclusions.

That doesn't lesson your word. That strengthens it.

It says that you're not just sticking to the status quo because it’s the easy thing to do. You're willing to admit that things have changed and try something different.

THAT is much more honorable and courageous than a steadfast FALSE choice any day.

Not knowing doesn't make me weak or dumb. It makes me realistic.

Twinkle Lightly

I'm getting lazy and self-conscious again. Hence, the radio silence. I started letting the pressure get to me and I jumped ship. Once that happened, I started getting even more disappointed with myself. Which just made me want to hide away.

I started being really self critical. Then I was critical about being so critical – Finally throwing my hands up and giving in.

Shutting down.

Giving up is just so much EASIER.

Life is just something to move through if you're never trying to do anything special.

But it doesn't feel right. Not writing. The absence is felt deep within. Expressing myself is what I try to do. Even if I do it badly. Even if I do it without validation.

It's what I keep coming back to.

I have to keep trying.

The superficial fears will always be there. And I put a lot of pressure on myself to overcome them. So when I don’t, when I fail, my tragically obvious humanity disappoints me.

But what can I do after I fail?

Just stop?

I don’t want to be that person. That’s not going to give me what I want in life.

But absolute perfection is too much pressure…

So, the way I see it is that I need to start giving myself permission to fail.

That doesn’t mean I should half ass everything – But it does mean I have a responsibility to mess up occasionally. I need to. I MUST.

Because if I’m messing up, I’m learning…

This is me letting myself off the hook. I didn’t do what I initially committed to doing, but that’s ok. It happens, we learn from it, and move on.

You can’t be disappointed if you never try. But you can be regretful.

I don’t ever want to wish I had tried harder or been more honest or less fearful. I want to give it my all and deal with the fallout later.

Why maybe I should be depressed but I’m not

The last few days around here have been rather quiet. I've had things to do, but they haven't been exactly time consuming or mentally taxing. I haven't had to work outrageously long hours, or push through any difficult projects, or really DO anything that I didn't feel like doing. (Except for maybe watch Glee, but I digress.) I went through something similar to this right after I graduated high school and I didn’t manage things nearly as well.

Even though I've always kind of been in charge of my own schedule, it's been a long while since I've had this much free time on my hands.

There have always been things I needed to get done at certain times, stuff I needed to have ready, things to keep me busy...

But now I pretty much decide what I want to do with my day.

My situation is a weird one... Most people who graduate college jump right into working full time. Even if it's not within the profession they intend on pursuing. They work somewhere.

In an ideal world, I'd also get to work right about now. But there are a couple of things contemplating matters. I'm not quite sure how personal I want to or should make this post, but basically it comes down to balancing what I'm able to do physically with what I can afford to do practically. I want and NEED to provide for myself, but the definition for how I provide will likely have to be unconventional....

So, while I'm working on figuring that out, there's going to be a period of my life that may be a little less secure than it has been previously.

Less secure physically and mentally. Not because I'm signing up for any big commitments or taking on huge risks. It's because I have control now. I'm deciding where we go with this whole thing and I'm a little bit overwhelmed with that responsibility. 

There is one thing that keeps me grounded though. It stops the fear and worry from consuming me.

The single most important thing that makes me feel secure – and what I know for certain is this:

Regardless of what I end up doing in my life or where I decide to go - I'm going to make my connection network my TOP priority.

What I believe in more than anything is that your life is only as good as the people you surround yourself with. (Thank you oh wise Darren Criss.)

It's the truest truth I've found in the world and it's one of the few things I can say with complete certainty.

I'm a very lucky girl. In any other previous decade I could have felt extremely isolated and alone. But that doesn't have to be the case anymore. I can have friendships and connections that are just as fulfilling and real as someone who has more physical access. And I intend on remaining extremely grateful for this fact.

Anyways; I expected to be quite sad and depressed after I graduated college. I thought I might get overwhelmed with this expansion of time.

But, nope. It hasn't hit me like I imagined it would.

I'm certain that has a lot to do with the relationships I have in my life. I feel safe and secure because I know I can do this. I have people to depend on. And I feel encouraged. I'm excited to just continue bringing people into my life. I have so much I want to accomplish in my life, but none of that is worth having (or even could happen) without an amazing community to support me. 

Durrrr

I honest to god have nothing interesting to write about today.

And you know what? I really don't feel like pushing it.

I'm having the nicest, most relaxing-yet-productive day and I don't feel like spoiling it by forcing myself to write.

But I promised PROMISED myself that I was going to stick to this.

So. Here are some words:

WHY AM I FORCING MYSELF TO DO SOMETHING THAT I KINDA DON'T WANT OR NEED TO DO RIGHT NOW?!??

*wines*

It's that friggen work ethic my parents installed in me damn it!!!

Bad thing is though; that writing, just like any creative outlet, doesn't always arrive when it's supposed to.

SO. I'm just going to chalk this up to an off day and come back tomorrow ready to go.

Because, sometimes we all need a day off.  

Adventures in Writing

(This post is a bit of a response to this blog: Writing as an art form.)

Many times throughout my life I’ve had people tell me I should ‘write a book’. As lovely an idea as that is, I’m not quite sure people realize how difficult it is to actually write a book. The request is always tossed out with such ease that I get the impression most are totally clueless as to what it means to pen-and-publish something.

Recently this demand has taken a major increase. This past year I had the honor of delivering a few eulogy’s for some family members of mine. Since this was the first large setting in which my written work was shared with others, I believe I surprised quite a few people with what I had to offer. I was given lots of praise and complements; not to mention quite a few requests and inquiries as to when I was writing more. Then there’s also the fact that this was all coinciding with my graduation from college. Now that I had a ‘huge chunk of time’ to devote to writing it was as if the tides of people surrounding me decided to come together and point me in a new direction.

I may have spent the last 4-6 years polishing my writing abilities and working to find a way to express my voice through the written word – but that does not in any way make me a trained writer.

Like. At all. As I am sure is blatantly obvious in this blog.

That being said…

Writing is something I treasure; deeply and passionately. And because of this I am also extremely critical of my own abilities. Whenever I publish anything I feel like a complete fraud. Faking my way through each passing sentence.

All I can admit to having is good taste. I know what good writing looks like. I know what it feels like. But I have very little confidence in my own abilities to deliver anything worth reading.

So when someone suggests to me to ‘write a book’ I literally scoff and dismiss them.

Like Karen mentions in her blog, anything worth writing takes time. Lot’s of time. And in most cases it also requires you to yield every lasting ounce of sanity you have.

At least that’s how it works in my case.

If I ever decide to get my act together and write the novels I have stored inside my head, it definitely won’t be spurred on by the encouragement of others. The motivation will have to be completely internally driven. Because writing is most definitely an art form. It takes passion, skill, time, DEVOTION.

Maybe one day I’ll be able to supply that. But to have others demand me to write?? Like it’s the most simple and uninspired form of expression there is?? It not only breaks my heart, it makes me mad.

It belittles one of the things I love most in the world and makes the little talent I do have look cheap. Like I didn’t practice, refine, and work for my ability to string a few decent sentences together. As if I don't pine over each element and worry, distress, and fight for something semi acceptable…

That is so unfair and upsetting.

Which is why I’m also asking the Average Joe’s of the world to please do us all a favor and appreciate your writers; especially the good ones. Because their hard work and talent deserves to be really and truly appreciated. Chances are that book you treasure so deeply took a hell of a lot work and passion to put together. So please, don’t assume otherwise.

And for anyone being pressured to write more - you know what you need to do. Take the time and space you need to make that decision. If it feels good, go for it; and if not, that's OK as well. Because at the end of the day, whatever you create will be for you.