Why maybe I should be depressed but I’m not

The last few days around here have been rather quiet. I've had things to do, but they haven't been exactly time consuming or mentally taxing. I haven't had to work outrageously long hours, or push through any difficult projects, or really DO anything that I didn't feel like doing. (Except for maybe watch Glee, but I digress.) I went through something similar to this right after I graduated high school and I didn’t manage things nearly as well.

Even though I've always kind of been in charge of my own schedule, it's been a long while since I've had this much free time on my hands.

There have always been things I needed to get done at certain times, stuff I needed to have ready, things to keep me busy...

But now I pretty much decide what I want to do with my day.

My situation is a weird one... Most people who graduate college jump right into working full time. Even if it's not within the profession they intend on pursuing. They work somewhere.

In an ideal world, I'd also get to work right about now. But there are a couple of things contemplating matters. I'm not quite sure how personal I want to or should make this post, but basically it comes down to balancing what I'm able to do physically with what I can afford to do practically. I want and NEED to provide for myself, but the definition for how I provide will likely have to be unconventional....

So, while I'm working on figuring that out, there's going to be a period of my life that may be a little less secure than it has been previously.

Less secure physically and mentally. Not because I'm signing up for any big commitments or taking on huge risks. It's because I have control now. I'm deciding where we go with this whole thing and I'm a little bit overwhelmed with that responsibility. 

There is one thing that keeps me grounded though. It stops the fear and worry from consuming me.

The single most important thing that makes me feel secure – and what I know for certain is this:

Regardless of what I end up doing in my life or where I decide to go - I'm going to make my connection network my TOP priority.

What I believe in more than anything is that your life is only as good as the people you surround yourself with. (Thank you oh wise Darren Criss.)

It's the truest truth I've found in the world and it's one of the few things I can say with complete certainty.

I'm a very lucky girl. In any other previous decade I could have felt extremely isolated and alone. But that doesn't have to be the case anymore. I can have friendships and connections that are just as fulfilling and real as someone who has more physical access. And I intend on remaining extremely grateful for this fact.

Anyways; I expected to be quite sad and depressed after I graduated college. I thought I might get overwhelmed with this expansion of time.

But, nope. It hasn't hit me like I imagined it would.

I'm certain that has a lot to do with the relationships I have in my life. I feel safe and secure because I know I can do this. I have people to depend on. And I feel encouraged. I'm excited to just continue bringing people into my life. I have so much I want to accomplish in my life, but none of that is worth having (or even could happen) without an amazing community to support me.