Transitioning

I've been questioning some pretty heavy things recently. Things that I never really considered would be going up for questioning. But life is doing that SURPRISE thing it does - and here I am. The FACTS that I thought were so 'factual' aren't as steadfast and true as they once were.

It's funny though because I'm less surprised by the questioning itself and more surprised with how uncomfortable it's making me. I mean, it's natural to transition. Especially now. But I'm a psych major. This is all we DO. We talk about the uncomfortable stuff. We ask people to be brave and share their discomfort with us. To be emotionally honest.  It's not exactly a new concept to me.

But here I am. Struggling with the same thing I ask others to do all the time.

So rather than focus so much on the questions (I tend to believe that these things make themselves clear over time) I'm trying to figure out exactly why it's so hard for me to admit this indecision.

Why should I ever feel embarrassed, shy, or ashamed for rethinking things? Where is this pressure to KNOW coming from? Why can't it be ok to say out loud that I DON'T know?

So, Brook.

Your indecision is nothing to be embarrassed about. You're allowed to make a decision - and you're also allowed to change your mind. There's nothing wrong with that.

Maybe what feels right today won't feel right 3 years from now. But you shouldn't be embarrassed. Things change. They SHOULD change. And you're doing the best with the knowledge you have now.

Life is nothing BUT transition. Fighting that is dumb and pointless.

So while you're evaluating and reevaluating, you may come to different conclusions.

That doesn't lesson your word. That strengthens it.

It says that you're not just sticking to the status quo because it’s the easy thing to do. You're willing to admit that things have changed and try something different.

THAT is much more honorable and courageous than a steadfast FALSE choice any day.

Not knowing doesn't make me weak or dumb. It makes me realistic.