What I write here is
mostly dribble that comes out of my head and through my fingertips. I try and always think about what I'm saying,
in every situation I find myself in. But It's not like I'm devoting hours and
hours of work into these 'essays'. I'm not really proud of what I'm writing.
I mean, I'm not
ashamed of what I'm writing, I just... Don't see a lot of value in it. So why
should I bother sharing these little thoughts with my Internet community? Why
not just post for myself and leave it at that. Share only what I am proud of.
This is the debate I
have with myself constantly. I go round and round about whether or not this
thing is even useful... Giving myself ample amount of opportunity to back out
and quit publishing my thoughts.
But you know what?
Those are just excuses.
I know deep inside that
I'm just being a perfectionist and making up reasons for me to hide
behind.
I've done it before.
I've caved under the pressure I put on myself and quit putting my stuff(self)
out there.
Because anytime I
write, I'm making myself vulnerable. I know 90% of what comes out of this blog
is shit. I KNOW that. But it's my shit. It's me. It's stupid and maybe
pretentious, narcissistic, immature and dumb. But it's mine. And I keep putting
it out there because it captures a moment in time. It allows me to share an
honest part of myself with the world in real time. As the process happens - as
I'm thinking, growing, and changing - hopefully you can see it happen with
little filter. And maybe, that honesty and vulnerability will resonate with
another.
At the end of it
all, I don't have to win anyone's favor except my own.
So enough worrying
about whether or not my words have value or worth. Because the fact that I post
them at all means they count for something.
Being quiet is the
only way to lose this fight with myself.
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