I have a confession to make.
I have read Fifty Shades of Grey.
First, I should probably say just how hesitant I am about putting this online. My group of friends are quite nerdy, and I swear to god, I've seen them crucify people for reading this book. Which, to be fair, only made me want to read the book more. *shrugs* But, what can I say? I like to rebel. And in my group Fifty Shades isn't acceptable reading material.
I have read Fifty Shades of Grey.
First, I should probably say just how hesitant I am about putting this online. My group of friends are quite nerdy, and I swear to god, I've seen them crucify people for reading this book. Which, to be fair, only made me want to read the book more. *shrugs* But, what can I say? I like to rebel. And in my group Fifty Shades isn't acceptable reading material.
All in all, I was hoping to just conduct my little social
experiment/personal introspection on my own, in the privacy of my own home, and
be done with it.
But no, of course not. I have be so fucking confused and annoyed by this experience that I've got to get this shit out and put it online.
What social experiment you may be asking?
Well basically it's a two part answer.
For one, I was just REALLY curious as to why so many people are into this book. I mean, it’s basically a cultural phenomenon for god’s sake.
I thought that the book had to have some redeeming qualities. I mean, why else would all these people be drawn to it if there wasn't at least something enticing about it? Not to mention, I was curious to know if the criticism of the book was a genuine critique or if it was just backlash from the popularity. Because it seemed like 90% of the people who I knew mocking the book had never actually read it. I mean, if you dislike something, more power to you. But at least come to it with an open mind and know what the hell you’re raging against. Otherwise, your opinion means nothing to me.
So I wanted to give the book an honest to god chance. I didn't want to take others opinions into account. I wanted to formulate my own thoughts based on my own reactions.
Apart from all that, I also promised someone I work with that I would at least give the first book a try. (And that's who I borrowed the book from as well).
So here I am. A completed Fifty Shades of Grey in front of me (Figuratively), and I can GENUINELY SAY, that reading the book has been QUITE the experience.
Sadly though, I finished the novel with more questions than answers. And at this point, I'm only sure of one thing.
The book sucks.
No really. It's a shit shit book.
And I can say that now without feeling like a hypocrite or a judgmental-elitist-asshole. (SCORE!! The silver lining.)
Now; I feel as though I should provide SPECIFIC details for why I disliked the book rather than just pinching my nose and going 'EW EW EW EW!!!!' like I really want to do. To you know, prove I really did read it and gave it a chance.
So if you don't want to be spoiled by my 'review', well... I basically don't give a fuck.
Because you need to just trust me right now and save yourself the trouble. I was noble. I put aside my prejudices and came to this with an open mind so you wouldn't have to.
You don't need to read this book, ok?? I sacrificed my time and sanity to save you the trouble. So don't worry yourself with spoilers. It won't really matter if you know what's up or not because I'm telling you right now, don't read Fifty Shades of Grey.
Not for morbid curiosity, boredom, peer pressure... Just don't do it.
I'm not even going to touch on the complaints about the Dom/Sub relationship or about how many people in the BDSM community are annoyed with the portrayal of the pastime or about how it's a glorification of an abusive relationship. I'm WAY too naïve and uneducated to have an opinion on all of that.
Not to mention, when reading, I was trying to find the redeeming qualities about the book. I wanted to just experience it and focus on more of the superficial elements... I wanted to approach it as someone from the general public would.
My biggest gripe with this book is that it is written SO BADLY. Seriously. I just... The fact that this thing got published (MUCH LESS ACCUMULATED THE MONEY/FAME IT HAS) makes me want to weep rivers of blood.
The closest thing I can resemble it to is the poorly written fanfiction that comes from a girl of about 15 years of age.
The sentence structures, the slang, the way each character speaks... How there is no development, creativity, or believability... Everything was so clunky, and there wasn't ONCE where I just got lost in the book - to enjoy it for whatever it was.
But no, of course not. I have be so fucking confused and annoyed by this experience that I've got to get this shit out and put it online.
What social experiment you may be asking?
Well basically it's a two part answer.
For one, I was just REALLY curious as to why so many people are into this book. I mean, it’s basically a cultural phenomenon for god’s sake.
I thought that the book had to have some redeeming qualities. I mean, why else would all these people be drawn to it if there wasn't at least something enticing about it? Not to mention, I was curious to know if the criticism of the book was a genuine critique or if it was just backlash from the popularity. Because it seemed like 90% of the people who I knew mocking the book had never actually read it. I mean, if you dislike something, more power to you. But at least come to it with an open mind and know what the hell you’re raging against. Otherwise, your opinion means nothing to me.
So I wanted to give the book an honest to god chance. I didn't want to take others opinions into account. I wanted to formulate my own thoughts based on my own reactions.
Apart from all that, I also promised someone I work with that I would at least give the first book a try. (And that's who I borrowed the book from as well).
So here I am. A completed Fifty Shades of Grey in front of me (Figuratively), and I can GENUINELY SAY, that reading the book has been QUITE the experience.
Sadly though, I finished the novel with more questions than answers. And at this point, I'm only sure of one thing.
The book sucks.
No really. It's a shit shit book.
And I can say that now without feeling like a hypocrite or a judgmental-elitist-asshole. (SCORE!! The silver lining.)
Now; I feel as though I should provide SPECIFIC details for why I disliked the book rather than just pinching my nose and going 'EW EW EW EW!!!!' like I really want to do. To you know, prove I really did read it and gave it a chance.
So if you don't want to be spoiled by my 'review', well... I basically don't give a fuck.
Because you need to just trust me right now and save yourself the trouble. I was noble. I put aside my prejudices and came to this with an open mind so you wouldn't have to.
You don't need to read this book, ok?? I sacrificed my time and sanity to save you the trouble. So don't worry yourself with spoilers. It won't really matter if you know what's up or not because I'm telling you right now, don't read Fifty Shades of Grey.
Not for morbid curiosity, boredom, peer pressure... Just don't do it.
I'm not even going to touch on the complaints about the Dom/Sub relationship or about how many people in the BDSM community are annoyed with the portrayal of the pastime or about how it's a glorification of an abusive relationship. I'm WAY too naïve and uneducated to have an opinion on all of that.
Not to mention, when reading, I was trying to find the redeeming qualities about the book. I wanted to just experience it and focus on more of the superficial elements... I wanted to approach it as someone from the general public would.
My biggest gripe with this book is that it is written SO BADLY. Seriously. I just... The fact that this thing got published (MUCH LESS ACCUMULATED THE MONEY/FAME IT HAS) makes me want to weep rivers of blood.
The closest thing I can resemble it to is the poorly written fanfiction that comes from a girl of about 15 years of age.
The sentence structures, the slang, the way each character speaks... How there is no development, creativity, or believability... Everything was so clunky, and there wasn't ONCE where I just got lost in the book - to enjoy it for whatever it was.
(Even though Twilight gets a lot of shit, it's actually
written pretty decently. I enjoyed reading it and was compelled to keep reading
it. FSoG is just... embarrassing.)
Now, don't get me wrong. I don't pretend to possess any literary prowess myself. But I do gage how well something is written by one simple and well defined method.
By how a story makes me feel.
And I literally felt NOTHING for this book. I swear to god. I didn't care about anyone or anything. Like, even when I'm reading a book I don't particularly like, I can usually find SOMETHING to hold on to throughout the story - to use as scaffolding and keep me going.
The only part of the book that I found myself not being completely bored by was when Ana and Christian were exchanging emails. Those 'voices' felt more natural and real to the characters than the story itself. But sadly, I don't know if I enjoyed that part more because of the strengthened voices, or if it was simply a new sort of writing format that kept me interested...
The plot and structure of the book is almost (and when I say almost I basically mean every-fucking-thing) a complete rip-off of Twilight. And I know that we all know how Fifty Shades of Grey is a genetic mutation of Twilight. It's old news, blah blah blah... But... That's no fucking excuse man!!! I read TONS of fanfiction that is A HELL OF A LOT MORE ORIGIONAL/CREATIVE/INTERESTING than Fifty Shades.
I mean, if you're going to write an 'original story' then at LEAST make it your own. Don't just use another persons outline, character, plot, and tone...
Which brings us to the SEXUAL portion of the book. The only major differences between the two books.
Ok. I have to be honest. I'm not a stranger to the more smutty style of writing. In the fanfiction community the NC-17 genre is pretty wildly acknowledged and respected. I mean, there are good portrayals of sexual situations and bad ones. But all in all, they are considered pretty normal, and the fact that your story has strong sexual situations, doesn't devalue it. It's more of an accepted feature in fanfiction than it is in mainstream publishing.
This means I'm probably more familiar with this aspect of the book than say a 'typical' housewife would be. (Again, just trying to be very general with the audience here.) So, this is where my bias shows up.
What I know is that it takes a lot of skill to write a sex scene that makes my stomach flip or my insides tighten. It's more than just mechanics to me now. But to the general public, this stuff must have blown them out if the water. They must have really been taken aback by the 'full frontal' aspect of fic writing.
And this leads me to my conclusion.
The SEX in Fifty Shades of Grey is LEGITIMATELY the ONLY REASON I can find for why so many people grasped onto this book.
After reading, I could find no hidden romanticism, decent storytelling, love, passion, nothing... Nope. The only thing I think people were drawn to was the shock factor.
And that makes me SO FREAKING SAD!!!!
GUYS. GUYS. Seriously. If you need sex in your life, we can get it for you. I have about 13 writers I can get you in contact with RIGHT NOW!!
I can hook you up with some MIND BLOWINGLY HOT STUFF, and here's the best part, the stories are actually good!!! Yes!!!
And what you'll find is that when the stories are good, and you fall in love with the characters, care for them, and believe in who they are; it makes the sex so much better.
I swear to you.
Don't waste yourself on Fifty Shades of Grey. You deserve so much more than that.
You matter.
Don't ever forget that ok?
Now, don't get me wrong. I don't pretend to possess any literary prowess myself. But I do gage how well something is written by one simple and well defined method.
By how a story makes me feel.
And I literally felt NOTHING for this book. I swear to god. I didn't care about anyone or anything. Like, even when I'm reading a book I don't particularly like, I can usually find SOMETHING to hold on to throughout the story - to use as scaffolding and keep me going.
The only part of the book that I found myself not being completely bored by was when Ana and Christian were exchanging emails. Those 'voices' felt more natural and real to the characters than the story itself. But sadly, I don't know if I enjoyed that part more because of the strengthened voices, or if it was simply a new sort of writing format that kept me interested...
The plot and structure of the book is almost (and when I say almost I basically mean every-fucking-thing) a complete rip-off of Twilight. And I know that we all know how Fifty Shades of Grey is a genetic mutation of Twilight. It's old news, blah blah blah... But... That's no fucking excuse man!!! I read TONS of fanfiction that is A HELL OF A LOT MORE ORIGIONAL/CREATIVE/INTERESTING than Fifty Shades.
I mean, if you're going to write an 'original story' then at LEAST make it your own. Don't just use another persons outline, character, plot, and tone...
Which brings us to the SEXUAL portion of the book. The only major differences between the two books.
Ok. I have to be honest. I'm not a stranger to the more smutty style of writing. In the fanfiction community the NC-17 genre is pretty wildly acknowledged and respected. I mean, there are good portrayals of sexual situations and bad ones. But all in all, they are considered pretty normal, and the fact that your story has strong sexual situations, doesn't devalue it. It's more of an accepted feature in fanfiction than it is in mainstream publishing.
This means I'm probably more familiar with this aspect of the book than say a 'typical' housewife would be. (Again, just trying to be very general with the audience here.) So, this is where my bias shows up.
What I know is that it takes a lot of skill to write a sex scene that makes my stomach flip or my insides tighten. It's more than just mechanics to me now. But to the general public, this stuff must have blown them out if the water. They must have really been taken aback by the 'full frontal' aspect of fic writing.
And this leads me to my conclusion.
The SEX in Fifty Shades of Grey is LEGITIMATELY the ONLY REASON I can find for why so many people grasped onto this book.
After reading, I could find no hidden romanticism, decent storytelling, love, passion, nothing... Nope. The only thing I think people were drawn to was the shock factor.
And that makes me SO FREAKING SAD!!!!
GUYS. GUYS. Seriously. If you need sex in your life, we can get it for you. I have about 13 writers I can get you in contact with RIGHT NOW!!
I can hook you up with some MIND BLOWINGLY HOT STUFF, and here's the best part, the stories are actually good!!! Yes!!!
And what you'll find is that when the stories are good, and you fall in love with the characters, care for them, and believe in who they are; it makes the sex so much better.
I swear to you.
Don't waste yourself on Fifty Shades of Grey. You deserve so much more than that.
You matter.
Don't ever forget that ok?
No comments:
Post a Comment