'Take your eyes off others'

"Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved.

You will always think it's a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences. Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them." 
- Jennifer James

I keep reading this back to myself. Going over each detail and trying to really appreciate what's being said.

It resonates – That’s for sure.

When I look at my life objectively, I can see how people might assume that my feelings of jealously stem mostly from my 'disadvantages'. And, I'm not going to lie; there are moments when I AM insanely jealous of the most simple of things... Being able to take care of myself for instance. Let’s be real though. Who wouldn’t have those moments?

But honestly, I've had my whole life to come to terms with my disability. And I recognize that being handicapped may alter experiences or make them less frequent, but it doesn't mean they're denied to me outright. Not to mention, this is me... And to have that disappear would mean that a huge part of my [self] would also go missing.

Nothing short of a divine act from god, is going to make me 'normal'. So, I see little point in being resentful or jealous about things that are just not going to change. I don’t have time for that useless crap in my life.

I experience more jealously towards the things that I feel as though I could possess, but for whatever reason don’t have. Alain de Botton’s thoughts on this have kinda helped me a lot with moving past this kind of jealousy.

I guess I learned a long time ago that ‘deserving’ has nothing to do with what people actually get. Stuff is dealt out and we have to do the best we can with what we’re given. Knowing that we’re all kind of working from the same chaotic base – helps a bit with the whole ‘personal and emotional security’ thing. Which sounds weird I know. But it works for me.