The comparison game

I spend A LOT of time thinking about how I want to be more like other people and less like myself. It shows through in all kinds of areas of my life.

‘God, he’s so intelligent! Why can’t I compose my thoughts like that??’

‘How do they manage it all?? I feel like I’m struggling with every little thing and look at all they accomplish!’

‘Ugg she looks so put together, I need to work on my wardrobe…’

‘I want a relationship like that. I’m just as sweet and funny as her, what am I doing wrong???’

‘He’s so talented and creative. Do you know how happy I would be if I even had a morsel of his ability?...’

‘I wish I was as snarky as her. Look at her friggen Twitter…’

This process is so damn sabotaging that it almost makes me sick. In fact, I know that it does make me sick. It poisons my mind and makes me slip into this ‘never good enough’ self loathing creature.

Not to mention, if this goes on long enough, I start to resent those people I aspire to be like and idolize so deeply. Actually getting angry at them for doing/being exactly what I love about them in the first place.

But I know it’s become a raging epidemic in our culture (especially with women and girls) and it’s not something I’m alone in. That doesn’t mean I don’t want or need to stop.

The question is how.

How do we stop the ‘never good enough’ epidemic that has us all swimming in shame?

Well, I think that’s a great question and it’s one I think I’ll be trying to manage for the rest of my life. Like many other illnesses, I don’t think one gets ‘cured’ of shame, I think it has to be managed.

So I’m working on it. Here’s some non-expert advice from someone who only has a loose grasp on herself!! Yay!!

- Try and recognizing when you’re doing the comparing thing – Listen to your own thoughts and then promptly…

- Ignore your own self talk. In whatever way you’re putting yourself down, remember that your own view is warped. You can’t really stop from having crappy thoughts, but you can choose whether you believe them or not.

- There’s no such thing as a perfect person so quit trying to fool yourself. Not to mention, there’s something spectacular about diversity. Your perspective counts. And maybe you’d like to be more, but there’s something perfect about you right now. Tap into that.

- Do something you love. I could give you a whole list of reasons why doing things you love is good for you on a biopsychological and neuropsychological level but you don’t need a reason to do something you love. Just do it for the sake of doing it.

- Get yourself surrounded by people who bring out the best in you and not the worst. Find the people that make you feel proud about yourself. NEVER underestimate a good friend.

- Be kind to yourself. Don’t say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t say to your best friend. People are flawed and imperfect. No one is asking you to be the exception.

Just follow these simple steps and YOU can be a happier person too!!!!!!

… Yeah, no. I’m not sure I can guarantee that. But I will say that these things have helped me a little bit to manage all that STUFF inside me. 

So maybe they could help you a bit too.