Looking when no one is watching

First,

I CAN'T BELIEVE I TOTALLY FORGOT TO WRITE YESTERDAY!!!!!!

I Just... Have no excuse. Other than I COMPLETELY forgot.

And that's just. Pathetic on every level. But, I guess I just REALLY needed a break. My brain didn't even let me have a choice in the matter.

It just. Decided for me.

Anyways, we’re not talking about my spacey brain-fart of yesterday.

You know what I love?

Those moments when you realize someone was paying attention to you even when you weren't really asking for their attention.

That's a special and really intimate feeling. To know that someone cares enough about you, your opinion, your thoughts to be aware of you even when you aren't really aware of yourself.

Like when a friend realizes that you're tired because you're sitting a certain way.

Or when someone listens to a new band because you made the offhand comment that you like them.

We all want people to pay attention to us. And it's nice enough to receive it after asking for it. But when you realize that someone has been paying attention (much more closely than you ever realized) without ever asking for them to be aware of you.

Well. It can be really flattering.

And personally, those are the kinds of people I want in my life.

I don't want to have to demand for people to notice me. I don't want to do anything differently, say anything 'exciting', be anyone other than who I am to get someone to recognize that I exist or that I have something to offer.

I will not shout out at the top of lungs for something that should only require a whisper.