Growing pains

Today was productive, challenging, and anxiety producing.

It was also fun, interesting, and fulfilling.

I finally conducted that interview I had been trying to set up all last week. I spoke with a very nice clinical psychologist who shared many of my own philosophies on therapy and treatment. I definitely had one of those - god I love learning about this subject - moments.

The entire process went about as I expected. I wasn't FANTASTIC at it but I didn't fail miserably either.

Here’s a little problem I'm having though...

I'm not satisfied.

I mean, I did the best I could do at the time, but there are little things I forgot to ask and I would have loved to have more time to polish everything up.

So while I SHOULD be feeling proud and happy that I got the assignment accomplished (because there was one very scary moment when I thought I might have to take a zero) here I am, fixating on what I could have done better...

*sigh*

Oh well...

That's just how it goes sometimes. I'm not perfect. And that means the insecure perfectionist in me might get upset. That's just how it’s going to be at this point.

But it’s not just that making me feel a little unsatisfied.

Basically, I want to do more!!! *bounces*

I need to get comfortable with uncertainty and imperfectness and the only way I can do that is if I invite it into my life.

I'm going to keep working on things that make me uncomfortable. It's challenging and I love trying to find out what I got inside me.

But I keep getting caught up in the fact that these aren't REAL challenges. These aren't things big enough to shatter my world.

So therefore they don’t count as much...

You know what though, I had to manage my stress-anxiety-fear, I had to find a way to make things happen, and I had to actually DO the work. And honestly I think I did a pretty good job! Those are the same feelings and things that come with big projects as well.

Maybe they are only baby steps. Maybe I’m not taking on the world or trying to blow the roof off, but I treasure these little movements forward.

I may not be satisfied with the amount I'm doing, but I am pretty thrilled with the journey itself. So let's focus on that shall we? Not on what I "should" be doing more of...